


Fathers and Sons

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Episode Related, Gap Filler, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-08
Updated: 2005-02-08
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: In episode 9 of season 1 Brian is torn over the decision to give his parental rights away to Gus. This is my view of Brian's thoughts during that episode.





	Fathers and Sons

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

This kid! What is it about this kid? His unrelenting ideas of what a father should be. 

“How can you give Gus away? He’ll think you didn’t want him.”

I had to get the fuck out of there. Before I knew it I was getting cash out of the ATM and walking over here. When did I decide to see him? Was it after I decided to sign away my rights to Gus? During Justin’s little tirade about the roles of a father in every child’s life? Or the moment I stepped out of the loft to escape having to explain yet again my lifestyle choices?

So here I am, walking into the smokey union hall. He is sitting at one of the card tables. I walk up behind him and speak.

“How’s it going, Pop?”

“Better days and for sure better hands. Say hello to the guys.”

“Hello guys.” I reply flatly.

“I’m out. I was bluffing anyway,” he says to them.

“As if you were fooling anybody,” one of them replies.

He stands up and puts his arm around me and for a brief moment we both chuckle at the comment as we head over to the bar.

“What’ll you have sonny boy?”

“Beer’s good.”

“Hold your fire,” he commands to the man playing darts we walk in front of to reach the bar. 

“Couple of your best scotches, Spike.” 

I glance at him as he orders our drinks. Typical Jack Kinney, I say beer he orders Scotch.

“So how is that fancy job of yours?”

“Well my fancy job’s just fine. I can’t complain.”

“You leave the complaining to the warden. If it was up to her I’d never have any fun. Listen…uh…I’m…uh….a little short…you know end of the month and I was just…” 

I roll my eyes. I knew this was coming. I take the envelope of money out of my pocket and slide it over to him on the bar. He takes it and looks around the room before he places it in his back pocket. I watch him briefly then look away. He punches my arm and I smile a little smile in response and he points at me.

“You’re a good boy. I am keeping strict accounts, every god damn penny.”

“I know.”

“Mister Executive is treating.”

Two more scotches are put down in front of us. We clink our glasses together and drink.

“Don’t you work too hard now.”

“Thanks for the advice”

“You got to leave some time for the ladies”

“Oh I always leave time for the ladies,” I reply with a smirk.

“Don’t let them tie you down, you hear?”

“Don’t worry about me, Pop.”

“Cause that’s what they all want to do no matter what the hell they say.”

“I think I can handle it.”

“You know you...and me, we’re a lot alike.”

“We are.”

“We weren’t meant to settle down. Sometimes…god damn it…I look in the mirror and I say, ‘Jack Kinney you dumb son of a bitch you should have never been a family man.’”

“Then why did you? Why did you marry mom? Why did you have me?”

“Jesus, you’re a smart kid. You mean you never figured it out?”

I shake my head and begin to walk away.

“Now come on sonny boy! Sonny Boy!”

I turn around and face him. I stare at this man, my father.

“Just stay. Come on, have another drink with your old man. Come on, have another drink.”

He orders two more and I stay. The hours pass and I immerse myself in his world. The poker games, darts, union gossip, pussy stories, surrounded by shitty country music and smoke. I watch my father in his element and I realize he is right. We are alike. I stumble out of there and head to the closest liquor store. I buy a bottle of scotch seeing how this is what I have been drinking all night. 

I have this incredible ache in my chest and I have no desire to go home just yet. Besides Justin is there and the last thing I want to do is go through another debate with him about fathers and sons. I end up at Michael’s door. I keep knocking despite the annoyed response coming from the other side.

“Hey sonny boy.”

“Aw shit you went to see your dad.”

“Hey stay here and have a drink with your old man,” I say to him as he turns away from me.

“Alright, come on. Come on,” soothes as he walks towards me and helps me enter the apartment. We stumble to his bedroom as I fumble with the lid to the scotch bottle. Sitting on his bed, he begins to remove my clothes and I mumble incoherently about the evening.

“Uh…we lost the game.”

“Uh huh. Lift up your arms.”

“Yeah…we…uh…threw away a 13 point lead in the last 10 minutes.”

“That a boy,” Michael replies as he removes my shirt.

“And the boys down at electrical, they might strike.”

“You don’t say. Now your pants….there you go.”

“Tony Conteras is thinking about retiring next spring if the league does well.”

“Well good for Tony….Now get in.”

I lay down in Michael’s bed as he pulls the covers over me and turns off the light. He then crawls over me to reach the other side of the bed. I roll over on my side with my back facing him. He slips under the covers and turns to face me. He wraps his arm around me. I let out a soft chuckle with tears in my eyes. 

“You should have heard him….’How’s my successful son?....little short of cash….never should have been a family man….’”

“That’s ancient history. Now go to sleep.”

“It never changes. Not his bullshit. Not his life.”

“When are you ever gonna learn? That’s all he is. That’s all he can be.”

I let out a deep sigh and let the tears fall from my eyes. Michael’s hand has been rubbing circles around my arm and is finally lying still against my shoulder. I reach up and hold it with my hand and fall asleep in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I wake up early. Michael is dead to the world and my head is throbbing. I find my clothes and quietly leave. The sun is torture. I duck into the nearest convenience store and buy aspirin, a cup of coffee and a cheap pair of shades. I down 3 aspirin and sip the awful coffee a little bit before resuming my walk home. 

Justin is asleep in my bed. He is cuddling my pillow. I watch him sleep for a few minutes as I contemplate his life. Seventeen with so much conviction and determination that I cannot help but admire him. He stood up to his parents, his father especially. No matter what, he still loves his father. And whether I want to admit it or not, so do I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I am sitting here at the Munchers’ dining room table with this unbelievable sense of dread. Gus is sitting next to me is his little car seat. He is cranky and Melanie is excitedly explaining all the places she needs me to sign on the custody papers. The first pen won’t work. Lindsey hands me another as I stare at Gus. I attempt to sign the paperwork again. I stop.

“Brian,” Lindsey calls.

I look down at the paperwork again and then back at Gus. 

“I changed my mind.”

“Brian, please don’t do this.” Lindsey pleads as I lift Gus out of his car seat.

“I’m not signing it.”

“We had an agreement,” Melanie states.

“That was before. Gus didn’t exist then.”

“Oh God, I knew it,” Melanie sighs.

“Brian, you know how important this is to us after what happened at the hospital?!”

“Well, I’m sorry for that. That was wrong. But so is giving up my kid. Isn’t that right sonny boy?” 

I pull Gus close to me and smile. If I can still love my alcoholic father despite all his faults, if Justin can still love his homophobic father despite all his faults, then Gus can definitely love me despite all of mine.


End file.
